An Angel In A Fur Suit…

     After a four month terrible illness, my family lost it’s youngest and most adorable Angel when my Granddog Bill passed on Valentine’s Day. It’s been a heartbreaking time for all of us, and the sadness is overwhelming at times. There is a palpable empty space now, where his happiness and big, big love belongs.

Read on to learn the reason my Angel gave why some people and animals cannot be healed from illness, what happened right after he passed, and the beautiful gift my precious Granddog gave to me that changed me forever…

     Bill came into my son’s life seemingly by chance, offered by a friend who could no longer keep him. It was a time of loss and debilitating health issues for my son, and the perfect time welcome this sweet Angel. They truly rescued each other from tough situations. When my son received Bill’s paperwork he discovered they share the same Birthday. It was meant to be.

     Bitten on the face by a dog as a five-year-old, I had a paralyzing fear of them all my life. Those teeth terrified me. The day I went to my son’s house and first met Bill was life-changing. Sitting eye-to-eye on the sofa next to a five and a half foot tall, one hundred and ten pound dog with a mouth full of fangs, I was afraid to move. My son assured me he wouldn’t bite, and encouraged me to pat him. I did, and a few minutes later our eyes met and I felt him say, “Hi, I’m Bill. Do you love me yet?”

     That sweet boy changed me in the best way. It was as if I’d forgotten I had a heart until I met him. Like the Grinch, my heart grew three sizes that day. A few months later, Bill and my son moved in with me and stayed for almost a year. Our bond deepened, he became my granddog, my only grandchild, and gave me immeasurable happiness. He was happiness embodied!

     Because of the years with my Little Darlin’ I see dogs in a completely different way now, and I love them all. Even the little fuckers that bark non-stop and growl when anyone tries to love on them. They are all literal Angels in fur suits, here to show us what love truly is: unwavering, brave, gentle, and giving. What an amazing gift he gave to me! I’m grateful to him that I didn’t live the rest of my life in fear of them, not knowing the immense love they give.

     The last couple of months when Bill was very ill my son and his girlfriend were giving him nightly IV’s, medications, herbs, and cooking him special meals. They did every single thing they could with the care and respect of the loving parents they are. I had been praying all day every day for him since the diagnosis, alone and with family. I was distance healing with the Angels at night. I was trusting and expecting a miracle. However, one night as I walked in the door and he couldn’t lift his head it became obvious to me that he was going to leave us soon.

     It is the worst feeling in the world to see your child suffering and feel powerless to fix it, but to see all three of them suffering and the deep sadness we all felt was beyond heartbreaking.

     I stepped outside to collect myself and have ‘a word’ with my Angel. I was angry.

     I asked, “Why haven’t you healed him?”

     The Angel answered, “It’s time.”

     “That’s not good enough.” I said.

     Then the Angel patiently explained to me that there is no pre-appointed time for any of us to pass on. It’s that the body wears out as it was designed to do, so that determines when we pass. Additionally, toxins in our food, water, air, homes, environment, etc., build up in our body and damage it to the point – at times – that it cannot repair. Nor can the Angels. For humans, repeated toxic thoughts effect the body in such a way that cause disease as well.

     My anger left me as I realized the truth in what He was telling me. In greif, I had forgotten these bodies are only temporary suits to experience this world.

     The day my Bubala passed I was sitting in my chair at home thinking of my boy and crying, crying, crying, knowing I would never see that beautiful face again. Then, two giant Angels walked right in my front door, and between them was my sweet, sweet, loving granddog. He ran right up to me the way he always did, and kissed my face all over. My heart opened so wide! Before he went out the door he paused and looked back at me and said, “You see me, right? That I’m well again? That I’m alright?” He was telling me not to cry anymore because he’s not suffering anymore, and is still here. It was as if he was saying ‘enough now, no reason to cry’.

     When I told my son about this, and the time it happened, he said it was about ten minutes after his heart stopped beating.

     As I write this four weeks after his passing, the tears still come. I have been owned by many cats in my life, but never experienced such profound grief after losing “a pet”. Dogs are a whole other level. I have a new compassion for all who have lost their dogs – they really are like children.

     It’s all about the love. They are such a beautiful gift of love for a precious, brief time.

     I know this is a sad story, but my hope in sharing is that something in it gives you comfort in some way, or a new perspective. Or, if you’re lonely, maybe you’ll rescue an Angel in a fur suit.

Until next time – bark less, wag more.

With love,

Susan